peace.

hello friends. I don't know about you guys but I am real excited it is Friday. I'm going to assume that everyone is with me in loving this day of the week. after a week of final projects and wrapping up the last week of classes.. Friday sure does feel good.

today concluded my final day of classes as a junior in college. say whaaaat?! that's weird. real weird. time is flying by so fast. I'd like life to slow down just a tad. good thing summer is literally right around the corner, PTL for that.

in the hussle & bussle of the end of the school year it can sometimes be hard to let ourselves be still. it's as if we don't realize how busy we are until we're going 100 miles an hour and feeling like a chicken with our heads cut off while saying, "how did I even get here?!" that's been the way I've felt lately. life has been full of great things.. but lots of things nonetheless. sometimes I find that it's in it's in these moments that  it can take the littlest of things to stop us dead in our tracks and wake us up just a bit.

for me that sweet little something was found in the form of a precious little babe. I was babysitting my friend jen's sweet baby girl, emmie collins, the other day and nap time rolled around. little em was not too excited about it and was fighting it with some tears for a bit. I got her in her pj's & little sleep sack, turned off the lights, and started to rock her in my arms.. all the while she's still kicking & crying.  however, the moment I started singing "Jesus loves me" to her she was silenced. the tears & kicks stopped, the thumb went in her mouth, and she was calm & relaxed. it was awesome. so awesome that is shocked me a bit. in a good way. 

isn't that how it should be though? that the words "Jesus loves me" should have the most calming effect over us. that when those words hit our hearts there a peace that follows that is unlike any other. when life isn't going the way we'd like it to or seems a bit overwhelming all we want to do is kick & scream. but when truth seeps into our hearts and lives, we can stop, truly stop, & be still in the safety of the Lord. we can relax in the arms of our Father and know that it's all going to be okay.

God is so specific & creative in capturing our attention. He is fighting for our awareness of him and for me, that came through singing truth to a sweet baby and watching His peace sooth her little soul.

let's be real.. aren't we all just a bunch of little babies who need to be rocked & sung too? maybe it's just me, but I know I wouldn't mind that one bit. regardless, God is real kind about placing little things in our life that bring us back to him. I love that. He never ceases to reveal how well he knows us and how much he loves us. He's good like that.

I hope you can see the little things in your life that make you see His love for you. hold tightly to those. they are what allow us to be still in his arms. may we rest in his love, friends. it's a good place to be.

happy friday!

happy monday

resting in this today.

"Our security is as secure as God is faithful." John Piper

{PSALMS 25}

 To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.

O my God, in you I trust;

    let me not be put to shame;

    let not my enemies exult over me.

 

Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame;

    they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.

Make me to know your ways, O Lord;

    teach me your paths.

 

Lead me in your truth and teach me,

    for you are the God of my salvation;

    for you I wait all the day long.

Remember your mercy, O Lord, and your steadfast love,

    for they have been from of old.

 

Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions;

    according to your steadfast love remember me,

    for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!

Good and upright is the Lord;

    therefore he instructs sinners in the way.

 

He leads the humble in what is right,

    and teaches the humble his way.

 

All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness,

    for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.

For your name's sake, O Lord,

    pardon my guilt, for it is great.

 

Who is the man who fears the Lord?

    Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose.

 

His soul shall abide in well-being,

    and his offspring shall inherit the land.

 

The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him,

    and he makes known to them his covenant.

 

My eyes are ever toward the Lord,

    for he will pluck my feet out of the net.

Turn to me and be gracious to me,

    for I am lonely and afflicted.

 

The troubles of my heart are enlarged;

    bring me out of my distresses.

 

Consider my affliction and my trouble,

    and forgive all my sins.

Consider how many are my foes,

    and with what violent hatred they hate me.

 

Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me!

    Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.

 

May integrity and uprightness preserve me,

    for I wait for you.

Redeem Israel, O God,

    out of all his troubles.

is this real life?

a lot has happened lately that I've sat back and just asked, "is this real life??" ever have those moments? where your life just doesn't seem like your own and wonder how you even got there?? or maybe you don't feel quite old enough to be experiencing certain things? that's been my life recently. when I take a step back and look at eveything that has happened in that last week or so I'm a bit overwhelmed.. in a relatively good way.

for starters.. on the 29th my roommate, Emily, got engaged! I had absolutely NO idea this was happening. her birthday was the 27th and her fiance, Dylan, told me we were going to throw a surprise "birthday" party for her on that Friday. Dylan was a genius throughout the process. He knew I'd be so mad if I wasn't involved in the process of picking out the ring, etc. but he also knew that Em would easily pick up on what was going on if I was in on all the engagement stuff. So instead he gave me ownership in organizing stuff with all our close girl friends for the surprise party. I'm telling you... he thought of it all. So we spent weeks planning out the party (really HE spent weeks doing it all) and getting excited about it. looking back on it all I realize how sweet he was. He would send me random texts about how excited he was and in my head I was thinking, "that's sweet.. but it's just a birthday party." little did I know it was because he was going to freaking propose!!!!!! so sneaky. well friday finally came around and my other roomie, Katie, and I lied to Em about our plans that night and went to get things ready for the party. we were really excited to celebrate Em & were still absolutely clueless about what was about to go down that night. it wasn't until literally a minute before Emily & Dylan walked in that I figured out what had really happened. I was standing next to Emily's mom & dad and her mom made a comment about how Emily kept calling her. I immediately thought, "Why the heck is Emily calling her mom?? She's on a date with Dylan.." and then all the lightbulbs went off. I asked her mom if Dyl proposed and her mom's eyes welled up with tears and she just kept saying "I don't know... I don't know..." my heart started racing & the tears started rolling down my face. not long after Emily & Dylan walked in and sure enough.. there was bling on her finger. y'all.. I LOST it. literally. started weeping! Emily told me later that she thought from my expression that someone had died and that she was seriously concerned for me when she walked in. sweet emily.. more worried about me than with all that was going on in her own life. so typical. she's awesome. the night was perfect. so many people already knew about dylan proposing. it was essentially my bible study that was left out of the loop about it. one of my friends came up to me that and said, "I don't know if I was more excited about this happening or the fact that you would finally know about it" I also got asked if I felt like I'd been "punk'd".. to that I answered yes, haha. Seriously guys.. I could not be more excited about these two tying the knot. I've known Dylan since high school and met Emily my freshman year of college. these two have grown into two of my dearest friends. they love each other & love Jesus so much. I know Jesus more because of the way they love each other & love me and I know they know Jesus more because of the way they love each other too. I love that. their marriage is going to be wonderful. I am so excited about the next year as they plan for the big day & I'm even more excited about them becoming Mr. & Mrs. Tighe. but forreal... is this real life?! one of my very best friends is engaged. crazy!! my house has officially become wedding central.. and I'm not mad about it one bit ;)

he tricked me.. real good.

are they not the sweetest??

check out that bling!! well done, dyl.

another "is this real life" moment was when I scheduled for my SENIOR YEAR OF COLLEGE last week (not to mention that my first grad classes were incorporated into that schedule.. ahhhh!). say whaaaaaaat?! that makes me want to barf. freshman year really feels like yesterday. where did those years go?? it is wild to think about all that has happened in the last three years of college. I don't want it to end. I wish I could be in college forever. to all you underclassmen.. soak it up. these are seriously some of the best years of your life. don't stress too hard over that exam.. stay up late & go deep with that friend. you gain a little weight from all the food you eat? so what.. I bet you gained some pretty sweet memories during that late night cane's run or after-class ovids trip. gosh, college is sweet. it's really bittersweet to think that it's almost over. I want to make this next year count. senior year baby.. it's going to be a great one. I'm thankful for how far the Lord has brought me in these past three years at UK and I'm excited to see what's to come (I know that sounds cliche, but I mean it).

life never really slows down. not sure how I feel about that but regardless.. there's not much I can do about it. just today in one of my classes my professor talked about how we (college students) are in the "emerging adulthood" phase of life. and that's just it.. we are emerging into a  huge phase of life- adulthood. there are a lot of emotions I have towards that. somedays I'm really excited about it but other days I still feel like I'm 16 years old and shouldn't be this old (I know I know.. I'm not that old.. but finally being 21 and going into my senior year of college feels "old" to me). I don't want to sit around stressing about what's to come though. I want to live & embrace where I am right now. I love the quote, "wherever you are, be all there".. that's what I want. life is too short & too fast to worry about what's to come. I'm not saying don't plan for the future but I'm certainly saying don't worry about it. easier said than done, trust me.. I know. but let's try hard to enjoy & not wish away where the Lord has you. we are where we are for a reason. let's embrace that. join me, friends. let's be "all here."

grateful for good days.

today was a really good one. some great things happened that I'm really excited about to share with you {and just document for myself so that I don't forget}.

1. I had the opportunity to take senior pictures for my friend, Lauren. we went out to the Henry Clay estate {one of my favorite places here in Lexington} and had ourselves a little photo shoot. It was a lot of fun and I loved the way her images turned out! thanks, pretty girl, for being one of my guinea pigs.

2. some real exciting news.. I got accepted into UK's University Scholars program for my senior year!!! This means I'll be in grad school next year.. holy crap. getting a few steps closer to becoming a real-deal therapist. ahhhhhh! It's going to be a heavy load next year but I'm very excited about it and thankful that it means my load will be lighter when I'm actually a full time graduate student. God is good, y'all. He makes a way for what he wants for our lives. so grateful for that.

3.  One of my favorite musicians, Stever Moakler, came and played at UK tonight. It was a nice little treat and because of him being here we got free Starbucks.. even better! Got to talk to him after his show. He's great.. and his manager was special music when I served on work crew for Younglife a little over five years ago. small world.. thanks Younglife. You guys should check him out. You'll be glad you did.

needless to say, today was a good one. it was refreshing in comparison to the rough days I had last week and that is something I'm very thankful for. I love the way Jesus gives us times of rest and moments to breathe. He knows us, he loves us and he takes real good care of us. love that.

hope you all are having good days as well. happy wednesday, friends :)

dark & light.

last week was a rough one. maybe one of the roughest I've had in a while. hands down the toughest week I've had in my whole college career. pulled my first all nighter.. and not just one but two of them. thankfully I got everything finished but it was rough. on top of all of that I found out late thursday night that an old friend passed away from an overdose. the worst. my heart was, and is, so heavy. it was a dark week. I would love to say that I ran to the Lord all week, begging for energy & peace but no.. I was consumed with myself and the stresses of the world. I know.. that happens sometimes but that doesn't make it okay and it certainly doesn't make things any easier. why do I do that? why is it that when life gets hard or the stress piles on that I put intentional time with the Lord on the back burner? because I think I've got it all under control. that I know what's right for me and that I know myself better than God does. oh what a fool I am.

and yet He still runs after me, taking every opportunity to show me that he's still with me. this past Sunday my pastor talked about how God is a jealous God and will do whatever it takes to make himself known to the nations. Quoting John Piper he said, "God loves himself more than he loves you." when I first heard that it didn't sit too well with me. but the more my pastor expanded on it the more peace it transcended through my soul. God loves himself more than he loves me because he is good and he is love. when we claim ourselves to be Christians we are saying that we are striving to die to ourselves so that Christ might be known more. so if God loves himself more than he loves us.. isn't he loving us perfectly in that? when He loves himself more, he is simply abiding in his first commandment.. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind." if we are to be more like Jesus, we must love God more than anything else in our lives just as he did. God is relentlessly working to make himself known in our lives so that we have every reason to trust him and fall in love with who he is.

although I walked away from last week with a heavy heart and feeling like a dark cloud hovered over me all week long, I was still able to praise Jesus. He showed up even when I wasn't coming to him. He gave me quality time with friends {even if it was in the late hours of the night or tagging a million tshirts for work} and authentic conversations that brought relief to my weary self.

I could go on for awhile about all the silver linings I had last week but perhaps the most beautiful one was the birth of elle renee poston, the second child & daughter of my good friends angie & micah. elle was born friday night. I got the text shortly after having a minor meltdown over the loss of my old friend. elle's birth would've been exciting regardless of what had been going on with me that week but her birth was a beacon of light and a source of hope for me that day. to experience heart-wrenching grief and absolute joy within 24 hours of each other was evidence enough that God is real and he is good.

"God is ever after proving us genuine." that phrase will never cease to tug on my heart in a deep way. the Lord will do whatever it takes to prove us genuine. this week was proof of that for me. sometimes that process can be bitter & painful but sometimes it is real sweet and comforting. last week was one of those weeks. there was indeed darkness that surrounded me but God was so quick to show me there is light to cling to and it's there because He is in this with me. I am never alone and for that, I will praise my Father in heaven.

cling to the Light, my friends. let it be your source of hope in this fallen, broken world.

it was a good week.

well I'm back from good ole panama city beach and I'm sad about it {especially since weather here in kentucky isn't the most pleasant}. it was a great week. although it was a bit on the chilly side {I may or may not have laid out in a sweatshirt 95% of the time} it was still an awesome week. I loved the people I was with and that made all the difference. being with a little over 70 people who love each other and love Jesus is about as good as it gets. I loved what one of the freshman boys said about our time together. He said, " I can't say for certain but I think we all may have got a glimpse of heaven through the joy and fellowship that was shown on this trip." I couldn't have put it better myself. It was a gift that I will continue to reap the benefits from for a long time coming. I don't ever want to take this community for granted. What we have is rare and so special. I pray I never forget that and that I cherish it forever.

I was so encouraged by the underclassmen and the fire inside of them for Jesus and being real & authentic with people, especially one another. My heart grew for a handful of some of the freshman girls and I'm really excited about where our friendships are going and the opportunity to watch the Lord grow them into incredible women. I can rest easy knowing that even when my time is up with serving as a Younglife leader, there will still be people involved who earnestly love the Lord and are broken for His people.

All in all, I am grateful for SB13. for a week away from school, a week to bond with friends, and a week to be reminded of the bigger picture and that it's never about me.

______________________

in other news.. things are really taking off with my little photography business. I got asked to do a second wedding while I was on spring break and as of today I'll be the videographer for a friend of mine's wedding in August! on top of that I've got some senior portraits/head shots coming up that I'm really excited about!! I can't wait and honestly am still in somewhat disbelief that this is real life. it's baby steps for sure but they are some really exciting ones.

on the last night of spring break I shot some "engagement"-type images of my non-engaged friends {plus snuck one of my two friends who are actually engaged} that are precious & all for posing for me. it's not every day that you're at the beach.. I had to take advantage! thank you Cassie, Dilly, Joe and Maggie for putting up with me :) here are some of my favorite shots from that night:

 The wedding I'll be filming this summer is of the precious couple on the bottom, Thad & Lauren. 

now no more procrastinating for me. I've got my week from hell for school this week.. ugghhh. praying this week goes by quickly!

hope you all have an easier week than I do. happy monday {or tuesday.. opps}!

in awe.

I am SO CLOSE to being florida bound!! this week has been a rough one with it being midterms and the week of my big ole GRE but I am in the homestretch ladies & gents! PRAISE THE LORD!

there is only a little paper standing between me and being florida bound {plus a few other things like babysitting and a charity fashion show.. but those are fun things!}.

I took my GRE today and by the grace of God I did really well. seriously y'all, it was all Jesus. I'd love to say that I slaved away at studying for it and prepared my little heart out but I'd be lying if I said that was true. I took two practice tests and read a little in the study book but other than that.. nothing. but when the scores popped up at the end of the test my jaw literally dropped. God showed up big time. I'm praying the scores I received mean I'll never have to take that sucker ever again. {fingers crossed.. real tight}

I think I've got a thing for berry flavored things.. oops. sorry I'm not sorry ;) apparently berries do the trick!

this morning I decided to get up early and head over to panera that was near the testing center and spend some time with the Lord as well as do some last minute review {aka.. cramming}. my devotional for today couldn't have been more fitting. leading up to today my nerves about the GRE were close to nonexistant. it made me nervous how not nervous I was about the exam. but finally this morning they started to creep in. but oh how faithful the Lord is in calming our souls. check out what my devotional told me this morning..

Continue on this path with Me, enjoying My Presence even in adversity. I am always before you, as well as alongside you. See Me beckoning to you: Come! Follow Me. The One who goes ahead of you, opening up the way, is the same One who stays close and never lets go of your hand. I am not subject to limitations of time or space. I am everywhere at every time, ceaselessly working on your behalf. That is why your best efforts are trusting Me and living close to Me. 

Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them. Hebrews 7:25 

Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:3–4

how awesome is that? I felt so affirmed and at peace after reading that. this path the Lord has called me down, in this case grad school, is not a path that I'm traveling down alone. He has called me here and he is with me in it. there is no greater comfort than that.

"I am not subject to limitations of time or space {or GRE test scores}. I am everywhere at every time, ceaselessly working on your behalf." gosh. He continues to leave me in awe.

just the other day I was left in awe over God's continued faithfulness in my life. if you read my last post you read about some fears in my life, specifically my fear of never getting married and having a family. one of my best friends shares this fear with me and we talked about in depth one night. I'm thankful for that alone. that I have people that are in my life, understand me and are walking through life with me.. the good times and the not so fun times. well, the next day she texted me with some encouragement from the book of jeremiah and how it totally hit home about what we'd been talking about earlier. it was the first thing I read when I woke up and was really comforted by it. it wasn't until later that the comfort I'd gotten from her was multiplied. I read my devotional by John Piper {its an app called Solid Joys.. get it. it's awesome.} and sure enough the scripture from jeremiah was the focus of that day. I immediately texted her asking if she was reading that devotional too and she replied telling me that no, it was just what she opened to that day. ARE YOU SERIOUS?! my mind was blown. the Lord lead us both to the exact same scripture that day and brought such a deep peace to our weary souls. the scripture was jeremiah 32:40-41 which says, "I will make with them an everlasting covenant that I will not turn away from doing good to them.. I will rejoice in doing good to them." later John goes on to say  "God has always been faithful to guard that little spark of faith for me and eventually (not right away) fan it into a flame of happiness and full confidence. O how glad I am that the thing that makes Almighty God happiest is doing good for you and me!"

I love that. that God takes the greatest pleasure in doing good for us. let that sink in for a second. that's huge. that's the kind of stuff that changes your life because it changes your heart. it changed mine and is continuing to do so every day of my life.

I don't deserve His goodness. none of us do. but we get it because he loves us more than we'll ever comprehend. I didn't deserve that good score on the GRE, especially considering how underprepared I was for it, but clearly God has got something in store for me. and it will be good. because that's what he's all about it. it's the root of his joy and it's now the root of mine. that's how it is with Him. joy and love are the root of all good things. even the things that don't seem good at the time, and trust me, I know those things happen.. God is ceaselessly working on your behalf. believe that. rejoice in that. and live out of that. may we be so incredibly thankful for our relentless, faithful and loving Savior.

***

I probably won't be back until after I get back from spring break. I'm going down to panama city beach with 70 other friends from younglife here in lexington. the beach is awesome. younglife folks are awesome. combine the two and you're destined to have a good time. I'm seriously SO excited. it's going to be good to be away and with some of my most favorite people.

hope you guys are able to enjoy some time of rest with people you love & who love you. there's nothing better. don't miss those opportunities. life is too short. happy wednesday friends :)

faithful in the small things.

I'm learning a lot about how when we are faithful in the small things of life it is then that we're able to see the big picture with a better set of eyes. the other day a friend and I talked this over for hours. we caught up on life and how overwhelming it seems at times but then talk about how it's funny because it's as if we forget about the Lord's sovereignty in our lives in those moments. as if it slips away momentarily. this clearly isn't true but how quickly we seem to forget that. our fears of the future can take us to places we don't want to be and it's there that we become blind to God's faithfulness. it's not until we relax and take a few steps back that we can trust that God's got this.. whatever "this" might be.

For me "this" is the fear of never having a family of my own. Yes, I know that I am young and have a lot of life ahead of me. There is time. I know this. Let me be clear, I'm in no rush to get a ring on my finger or welcome a child into the world. But it is my deepest desire to one day be a wife and a mom. As a junior in college I'm seeing a lot of friends around me get engaged, married or have serious relationships that will mostly like head in those directions. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond thrilled for my friends. I am excited for them and can't wait to see the way marriage and their families bless their lives and the lives around them. However, it is certainly a bittersweet thing for me. While I'm rejoicing alongside my friends, the fear of "that's never going to be my life" loves to sneak in on me and steal away my joy. I hate that. I want to be content in all circumstances. I want to embrace & enjoy singlehood. I want to celebrate and be joyful in my solitude with the Lord. But if I'm being honest, all of those things sound really great but they aren't always realistic. Just being real here people. But I know that there is hope. There is hope because Christ is sovereign.

God has been so gracious lately in showing me his sovereignty. It's been so evident in ministry at Jessie Clark. From getting a new teammate to getting five camp sign-ups in a matter of a week. I have felt so blessed and encouraged lately.

{The guy to my left is our newest teammate, Walker. He is great! I feel so excited about him joining our Jessie Clark family and the way the Lord is going to use & grow him through ministry at JCMS. Our ministry team is going to experience a lot of transitions throughout the next year and having Walker come onto our team was such a gift. I'm nervous about all the change but I can already tell God is working relentlessly to make it all go as smoothly as possible. Change is a part of life. Once we can accept that, we are able to breathe and just enjoy the adventure. I've been praying for peace about the change that is happening on our team & God has been giving me that peace day after day.}

{This past Saturday I spent the day & night with my ministry team up in Ft. Mitchell, Ky and y'all.. it was wonderful. We spent 24 hours together laughing, eating (a lot), exploring, being ridiculous, and just spending quality time together. There was no agenda. We just did life together & it was good. real good. We have been praying for team unity for years now and it is undeniable how much the Lord has answered those prayers. These people are more than just my teammates. They are my family. They know me and they love me, and the reverse is just as true. Not only are they fighting on the battleline for the souls of lost friends at Jessie Clark alongside me but they are fighting for me to better know Jesus every day of my life. We are in this together & that's big. Chase, Joseph, Taylor and now Walker are so special to me. I feel really grateful to call them my teammates and my dear friends. God has been real sweet to the Jessie Clark team.. of that I have no doubt.}

{Within the last week we've already received five girls' camp sign-up's. That is HUGE. We only took four girls last year so the fact that we already have five girls signed up to go & it's not even March is insane to me. It's absolutely surreal. Especially the fact that my sweet friend, August, is one of those girls. Y'all.. this girl has my heart. Not that the others don't.. they 100% do too. But I've been praying for August to come to camp with me since the moment I met her when she was in sixth grade. Well, three years later and she's signed up to go. I had no idea she was turning it in on Monday morning. When I walked into cheerleading practice that morning she came running to me with a piece of paper waving in her hand. I almost started to cry. I could not be more excited. I see so much of myself in this friend of mine. I pray with every ounce of my being that she makes it on that bus come June 8th and that she encounters Jesus in such a way that she leaves changed for eternity. This has been one of the biggest and sweetest answered prayers thus far. I feel overwhelmed with joy.}

So as you can see, God is good. He hears our cries and in due time, He answers them. When we are faithful in the little things.. whether that be in prayer or in just simply showing up and being available.. God shows us that it was worth it. For all the times we ever questioned if it was, He shows us that is so worth it. 

As faithful and sovereign as God has been in ministry at Jessie Clark over the past two years, how can I not trust him to be faithful and sovereign when it comes to everything else in my life? In all the fears I had about the changes on my team, or that we'd never feel like a family, or that friends like August would never end up going camp.. God moved and showed me how he is in complete control over all things. that's right.. all things. 

I have no need to fear. My God is faithful and he is sovereign. He hears my prayers and he answers them. Someway, somehow.. He answers them. While being faithful in the little things feels like a waste of time, may it be in those moments that we remember the times we can see the bigger picture and let that spur us on to run the race marked out before us. just one day at a time. 

let's be faithful, friends. it is worth it.